Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
