I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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