U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
