her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
