Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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