You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
