he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
