If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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