Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize