I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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