While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
