My Higher Power is John Stamos
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize