If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
