After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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