The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
