i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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