I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
