Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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