I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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