Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
