marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
