come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
