So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
