What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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