i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
