toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize