Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
