he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
