legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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