Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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