I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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