My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found puke in my bra..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
