i just wanna soil my oats bro
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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