I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
