fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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