I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
