and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
