i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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