so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
