Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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