I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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