guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
