When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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