I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize