He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
