Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
