I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
