so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's always time for handjobs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
