He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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