I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
