Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
