Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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