Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
