He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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