I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
