im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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