I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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