Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
