omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love having hate sex.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
my liver is dry heaving
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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