I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were destined to go to rehab together
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
