eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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