she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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