there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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