i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
