i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
