he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
